Snow up my shirt

Here in Oregon, loving the winter weather. I went inner-tubing with Michelle, Ryan and Steph, at Summit slopes. That was fun, and cold! (The tube would turn sideways and dump a load of freezing snow up my shirt). I haven't done this in years!

2.5 hours early...whatever

So, the airlines say to be at the airport AT LEAST 2 hours before your flight...more during holidays. Like with most trips, we rush to make sure everything is in order. We don't want to miss our flight, so we scamper to the airport! When we arrive, we are greeted by 5 check-in clerks...with NO other passengers in the entire check-in area. We get through security within 90 seconds. We make it from walking through the doors to sitting at our gate in a total of 5 minutes. 2 hours of sitting at the gate, only to find our flight is delayed by an hour. Get there early...Whatever. Either way, we're happy to be on our way to vacation in Oregon!

Gingerbread House, Indiana Jones style

So, we show up at Mangi's for their second annual Gingerbread house contest. Last year, we were squarely routed by the store-bought likes of Heath and Jill Burke. We were unfocused and didn't bring a coherent plan. The result..."A Katrina Christmas", complete with candy-men on the roof of our gingerbread house, imploring the judges to choose our house, or at the very least, heed the "HELP" written in frosting, and eat them. Insensitive, no doubt; funny, yes.

Well, this year we showed up with a theme and a vision. We had in mind to create an Indiana Jones theme, complete with a giant Jaw-Breaker candy (2.5 inches in diameter) as the memorable boulder which chases Dr. Jones in the film. We set out and created a functional masterpiece. Unfortunately, our impressionist rendition in gingerbread of this beloved movien did not meet the stringent demands for precise cuts and neurotic attention to detail that our judges demanded.
We lost to a freaking fake Santa Village, while meticulous and breathtaking, had NO glimmer of soul. The skating pond had no skater, the Candy store had no customers, and the finely crafted park benches had no sitters. While the judges expressed disdain for gimmicks, they may have fallen for the chef hats worn by the victors, while missing the fact that the gingerbread city was devoid of any feeling, much like an autistic child playing a Beethoven piece, yet missing the crucial "feel".

So I say to the victor to the spoils, and team Akrami will heavily weigh whether or not to sell our soul to appease the Gingerbread gods next year...though to do so will impair our ability to connect to all but machines as we lose our humanity. Overstated?...nah!

My revenge

Well, after the last escapade with the pooch, I purchased a device to ensure cooperation from now on. My lovely Michelle is helping display the device. As you see, attached to Lizzy's neck is a bomb, set to go off the moment she tries to bite human flesh. Who would have thought Petco would carry such a thing! Revenge is a bummer, eh pooch?!?

Five minutes I won't get back

I ordered a pizza at Papa Johns. The guy told me it would be ready in 15 minutes. I show up in prompt fashion, because I have somewhere to take that pizza. 15 minutes, perfect! That is will work for my schedule perfectly! Well, turns out the Pizza Hero doesn't have my pizza ready when I show up. "Five minutes, boss, five minutes" he says. Five minutes quickly turns into twelve. As I waited, I see I wasn't Pizza Hero's only victim, as four other customers show up, only to hear the promissory "five minutes...five minutes." Well, there goes five minutes...MY five minutes. To be spent doing as I please (like writing this blog). Now, that time is gone, replaced forever by Pizza Hero's voice, falsely ensuring I will be in possession of my pizza pie if I will only wait another "five minutes".

See some pics of the experience below:

The Pizza Hero disappearing behind the counter to whip up another batch of excuses.

Some other "satisfied" customers...

The Pizza Hero and accomplice, busy creating nothing out of nothing

Me, appearing sorely disappointed.

Biting the hand that feeds you

These are the telling pics of a hell-hound out of control. The glowing eyes appear just before the fiend strikes your hand with its needle fangs and viotriolic demeanor. Thank God I'm willing to put up with a couple punctures for winning the war. A coal in your stocking, Pooch!

FruitCAKE!

Fruitcake: $4.00

Dad's diabetes: $45,000

Watching dad hide his face while I email proof of him cheating on his diet to my MedSchool brother: Priceless!